Dear Livenation

Dear Livenation.com,

I am a poor, starving artist who aids old folks with simple computer issues and occasionally photographs drunk kids as a means of gaining currency. This small, yet still reasonable amount of money (I suppose), keeps my caprese salad ingredients in the fridge and the overpriced tallboy of Rainier on the grimy bar table in front of me two to three times a week. However, when it comes to purchasing concert tickets, scraping the pennies together to afford a piece of paper that gives me one days worth of no re-entry access to a steaming cesspool of shirtless, glistening bros fist pumping to Rusko music does not come so easily.

That said, perhaps you can imagine my how my heart shattered when I saw a friend’s Facebook status update exclaiming how Identity Festival’s ticket prices had dropped to $20 as of this morning. Correct me if I am wrong, but typically in the ticket world “early bird prices” were put on this earth by the concert and festival jesus gods themselves in order to provide ticket sales companies with immediate revenue months before an event by those supportive, diehard fans who want lower prices.

I am writing this letter to express my eternal repugnance toward this ass backwards situation. I understand you may be short on ticket revenue this year due to the fact that, quite frankly, the Identity Festival lineup mostly sucks, that Skrillex coincidentally skipped out on the majestic Washington State Gorge location, and that Steve Aoki may not even be there to pie a fat white girl in the face in the front row rolling on multiple uppers every time the bass drops. However, I want you to know that I think the fact I could potentially now purchase my boyfriend’s and my tickets for $10 less than what I paid for a single ticket is a bunch of palookie.

You have destroyed what it means to have an “early bird special” to festival hoppers all around, and you have to live with that.

Scornfully,

Me

P.S. - I still haven't received my tickets in the mail that your lying sack of shit of an email promised me two months ago and remain butthurt about it.