The Stranger's "Drunk Of The Week": See Ya, Assholes!!!

I just had to share The Stranger's "Drunk Of The Week" article by F. LOKO, WATERMELON. In loving memory of my main source of bodily energy for August 2009. Rest in pieces, shitstain.


photo by KELLY O.


"Last month, the only folks who gave a shit about me were kids and skanks and hobos. BUT LOOKIT ME NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS! Now I'm a hotter property than a Birkin bag stuffed with Glenn Beck–inflated gold! And look at you trendy shits, racing to and fucking fro trying to track down the last of me before your stupid statewide ban hits. When you couldn't find me at Eastlake Market, you got back in your car and drove over to that 7-Eleven on Stone Way, and when I wasn't there, you went all the way over to Madrona, to that deli-mart place. You didn't even wanna hang out with me, until it was too late. Now I'm eighty-sixed from everywhere, the ENTIRE state, 'cause those pussies over at Central Washington University don't know how to party. Good luck with your nanny state, you bunch of fucking ninnies. Bitchez don't know what you got till it's gone."



This shit is going to be the next Beanie Baby and Pokémon trading card game sensation. I should have stocked up and made millions and frat houses and high school parties. I fucked up.